Don't assume that this applies to you. It probably doesn't, but for some of us, it may.
Don't drop names when you see a minority. I know that there are only five Asians in town. I don't know any of them. I don't care about meeting any of them more than meeting any other people in town.
Don't tell me that you live down the street from an Asian family that you don't know the name of. I'm sure that they're nice, don't ever bother you, and drive a Lexus. Their child probably practices the piano every day. I hate those people.
Don't try to relate to me by telling me that your father was once stationed in China during World War II unless there's some other purpose to this than “oh look, you're Chinese, you must appreciate it!”. It's great that he fought for freedom back in the old days. But, you know what? I would think he's great wherever he was stationed. The fact that he was stationed in China does not mean that you have something in common with me.
Don't greet me in what you think is my language when we're in New England. You look and sound like a tool who wants to be cultured but only ends up showing that you're trying way too fucking hard. Often, you suck at it. Often, the person you are greeting suck at “their” language. You lose doubly so if you end up speaking the wrong language. You lose triply so if you're surprised that I speak fluent English after your botched greeting. The exception to this rule: when you are first greeted in another language or when you expect to be greeted back in said language. When a Hispanic dude says “hola amigo”, it is okay to reply with “hola”.
Don't act surprised when you hear “Vermont” when you ask me “where are you from”. I know you want me to be all exotic and such so you can feel cultured being around me; you want me to say something like “the mountaintops of the heavenly city of Lhasa”, or at least “China” or “Japan” or anything that isn't half an hour away by motorcar. But, seriously, I live in Vermont. That's what my name tag would say. That's what's listed under my name in the IRS record. Also, we're probably in New England when this exchange occurs, so you shouldn't be surprised.
Don't assume that I am in love with Japanese pop or whatever and listen to it all the time because I'm Asian. It's nice, sure, I like it, but it doesn't have nearly enough fiddles and cellos to hold my interest for more than a few minutes at a time. Bonus: if you make this assumption, nine times out of ten my musical taste is whiter than yours.
Don't assume that when our conversation doesn't go smoothly it is because of my Asian manners or some inherit cultural difference. Asia is appalled by my complete lack of manners. I am awkward around you because I'm a nerd who'd rather be playing video games than talking to random people sometimes. I don't tell you everything about my life because you can just Google it and read my blog. Also, see the nerd bit.
Don't start a conversation about something Asian if you don't plan on following through with it. Don't do it because you want to make me feel better in this awkward social situation. (Remember, it's not the fact that you're white and I'm afraid of you, it's because I'm socially inept.) Don't do it because you have nothing else to talk about. Don't do it if you want to feint interest in awesome ethnic things. Some people are offended when you think that they are experts on Asian culture because they're Asian. Me? I am offended if you don't actually care about my five minute exposition on the linguistics of modern Chinese or how tofu should be cooked to maximal perfection or which brand of five spice powder is best. You asked. Now listen, because I'm a nerd and I love exchanging knowledge.
Don't assume that I will only date and/or reproduce with other Asians. Seriously. Don't do this. You will either end up wrong or sounding like a pro-eugenics get-your-dirty-nigger-hands-off-my-daughter segregationist asshole or both, depending on your tone. Unless you are a racist asshole. If you are, why are we conversing? Why aren't you quietly sneering at me across the street while I lust after your white, genetically superior daughter in my lustful desire to enhance my pathetic genetic line?
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